


Been Losing Grip, Oh Sinking Ships

by lovelyair



Category: Stitchers (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-30
Updated: 2015-12-30
Packaged: 2018-05-10 08:37:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5578755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovelyair/pseuds/lovelyair
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Songfic- "This Love" by Taylor Swift.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Been Losing Grip, Oh Sinking Ships

_Clear blue water, high tide came and brought you in_  
_And I could go on and on, on and on, and I will_  
_Skies grew darker, currents swept you out again_  
_And you were just gone and gone, gone and gone_

Her blood swept through his hands, warm and flowing freely. It began seeping into every crack, in between his fingers, and around his nails. Biting into his own open cuts. It openly flowed over his palms, coating what small parts he thought had managed to hide.  
The tears that had gathered at his eyes dripped down and splashed against the back of his hands. Hydrating the drying crimson. His knees were crunching into the gravel underneath him, but he couldn’t think of that right now. Couldn’t think of the physical pain that was crushing him.

The previous moments played out again as he snapped his eyes shut.  
_She just couldn’t let this case go. She just couldn’t listen to him for one minute. He watched her run after the suspect down the dark alley, jogging to catch up with her. The sound of the gun shots stopped him dead in his tracks and he felt the chill swim down his spine. The string that had tied them together suddenly splintered, and he felt it crush under the weight of his heart. He didn’t need to see what had happened, he already knew._

He was over her the moment it happened, not bothering to chase down the suspect. Fisher was on his way, after all.

This is where he found himself now. His hands on her abdomen, feeling the gush of her blood as it flowed out from the gun shot. His tears, mixing in with her wound as he begged her to stay with him. But her eyes were closing fast and she was holding on so tight to his hands as they tried to save her.

Night had fallen and the darkness of the alley surrounded him. He felt like he was drowning. Each breath he took never filled his lungs enough to leave them satisfied. His heart was beating through his chest so fast he was afraid his scar would tear open and it would fall out. He looked down at her, never breaking from her face. It was contorted in pain, tears falling from her own eyes. But he begged her to stay. _To fight_.

He heard the squad car pull up behind him, the head lights illuminating the tragedy. He spun his head back to see Fisher jumping out of the car, pulling out his phone; shouting in to it. No matter how hard he tried he couldn’t hear any of the words. The only thing he could hear were her soft sobs and his own blood as it rushed through his ears.

 _In silent screams,_  
_in wildest dreams_  
_I never dreamed of this_

He felt hands clasp around his shoulders and saw Fisher pull him away. But his hands refused. His knees scraped against the pavement. He could see lights flashing, the figures in front of him all trying to pull him up. Pull him off of her. He felt a scream escape from his throat. It was hoarse and clawed its way down his body. The goosebumps that he could feel suddenly from the brush of wind past him made him realize that Fisher had gotten him up. Gotten him away. And he tried to break free. Tried to get to her. But It was futile. He could see her becoming farther and farther away from him now, and she was disappearing; behind the paramedics that had come to save her.

Because he couldn’t. He couldn’t save her.

Why did he let this happen? Why did he fail her so badly?  
What if they couldn’t save her? What if he never got the chance to say goodbye? There were so many things that he wished he could say to her. Wish that she knew. In the few moments it took for the paramedics to get her on to the gurney, he saw his life flashing before his eyes. The irony of the situation made him shake. He was angry and the devastation that was crippling him seemed to tease him.

_He loved her, oh god, did he love her._

She should’ve been able to live a normal life. She should’ve been allowed to fall in love, get married, have children; and live normally. Not the kind of normal being in this program gave her. But the chance, the happiness, that he wanted for her.  
Never, in a million years, did he want this life for her.  
He heard the words come from one of the paramedics, and the sudden weight of those words hit him and his knees buckled. Fisher grabbing for him to keep him up.  
Two words shaking him to his very core.  
“No pulse.”

 _This love is good, this love is bad_  
_This love is alive back from the dead_  
_These hands had to let it go free_  
_And this love came back to me_

He turned his blood stained hands over and over while sitting in the chair. His legs had gone numb a while ago, and he hoped they would stop shaking after some time; but it didn’t seem like they would give up the fight.  
The hospital bustled around him. It was approaching the middle of the night, that much he knew. Because unlike her, he counted every second they were apart. The second he found her, on the ground, gasping for air; his internal clock began. He didn’t even have to look up at the clock to know that she had been shot two hours and seventeen minutes ago.

A hand fell on his shoulder and he blinked away tears as he locked eyes with Camille. She looked tired. Her pajama shorts cutting in to her upper thighs. She had tears that she was fighting back. Her messy hair pushing itself in to her face.  
“We should get you cleaned up.” He heard her say. She must have turned to Linus to say something, because he saw his friend come out from behind her.

He shook his head. He had to stay there. He couldn’t leave. What if something happened while he was gone? No, he couldn’t leave.

Two hours and nineteen minutes.

The clicking of heels raced in from the same direction that Camille and Linus had come from and he suddenly saw Maggie rush past a few nurses to come in to view. Her brown eyes cut in to him. He was to blame after all. For not corralling her. Not keeping her in her place.  
“I…I'm…sorry…” he choked out, a gasp escaping behind the words.

 _Tossing, turning, struggled through the night with someone new_  
_And I could go on and on, on and on_  
_Lantern burning, flickered in my mind for only you_  
_But you’re still gone, gone, gone_

Two hours and fifty four minutes had passed and he felt his eyelids droop. Felt the sudden weight of the night hit him. The tears and sleepiness hitting him like a semi-truck. He adjusted himself in the arm chair, looking to either side of him. Camille curled up in a tight ball next to him, Linus sprawled out across from him, the nurses stepping over his feet every so often. Maggie, she was pacing. Her heels making soft clicks on the floor as she passed him each time. It forced him to look down at his hands once more. He could still see her face. His partners face full of fear and pain and misery. Could still feel her warm blood as it poured like water over his fingers. He pushed himself forward and rested his elbows on the edge of his knees.

The loneliness barreled in to him. It seized up every muscle in his body. What would he do with out her? Her blond hair flashed before his eyes and he pulled them shut tight. He felt his fingers run through his hair and could smell her perfume. She smelled like a bight summer day, when the only relief you looked forward to is the coolness of the fresh ocean water. He just wanted to hear her voice, see her smile, just know that she was okay.

She was his best friend.  
He needed her. He needed her in a way he had never felt before. In a way that made every bone in his body ache. He wanted it to be him. He wished with each breath that he forced out that he could be on that operating room table instead of her.  
All those wasted moments swept passed him and he felt the punch to his stomach. There were so many times that he should have told her. Should have sat her down and told her how every time he saw her face his day became so much better. How she was his first call every morning and his last call each night. He woke up each day aching to find her next to him, but the cold bed reminding him that she wasn’t his.  
And now…she might never be.

 _This love left a permanent mark_  
_This love is glowing in the dark_  
_These hands had to let it go free_  
_And this love came back to me_

He couldn’t let her go. Couldn’t free her from his mind. It was like she was scratching every part of his brain that she could. Leaving a mark on him that he never wanted to get rid of.  
“I’ll do it.” He said, looking up at Maggie. She stopped her pacing at the sound of his voice and locked eyes with him.  
"What?“ She asked, her brows furrowing.  
"If…if she doesn’t make it.” He shook out, “If it comes down to it…I’ll stitch in to her.” He felt a hot tear burn at the corner of his eye and fall down his cheek.  
Maggie slumped her shoulders. Tears welling in her eyes as she nodded her head. Putting up a hand to cover her mouth and she began her pacing again.  
Would he be a memory hot spot? Would he glow in her memory? He prayed the answer was yes. Oh, did he pray with all of his might. He wanted to be in her memories. He wanted to feel how she felt about him. Every time he shared a meal with her, with every case they took on, with every single breath. He wanted to know.  
Wanted to know if she felt anything.

He rolled his shoulders and felt the tightness in them. Felt his back as it ached for some relief. He looked down at his hands once more. The blood flaking off. Like small pieces of his heart. Letting go of her. Preparing himself for what the next few hours would bring. The news he would hear.  
He was preparing for the stitch.

The doctor pulled up beside them and asked if they were the party for Kirsten Clark. He felt his hand shake Camille awake, who kicked Linus’ foot jerking him up. Maggie was in front of the doctor, Camille and Linus joining her side.  
He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t get up. His knees were throbbing under his gravel stained jeans and they kept him weighted to the chair. He felt his hands run over themselves as he turned his head to look up at the doctor. Who at once, seeing how clearly affected the man was, softened his face.  
Cameron watched as the doctor turned, focusing in on him, even though six other eyes were begging for information.

“She’s gonna make it.”


End file.
